Each Day, R/Evolution

Manila Enkanta

The beginning of my 2nd week in Manila. 

I did my Manila-bourgeois circuit last week, while I was waiting for my best friend Romeo to come back from Bangkok, where he was finishing the sound design on the film at a Dolby certified post production facility.  My Tito Bernie drives me when he can, but I am totally comfortable taking cabs here, despite all the fearful warning me about being kidnapped. I believe you must take charge of it before it takes charge of you - so when I get into a cab I tell them exactly where I want to go, and how I want them to get there.  And when we take a funny turn, I confront the taxi driver immediately and ask why we're passing that way.  My Tagalog, when I'm immersed in hearing it here in Manila, comes back quickly.  Most native Filipinos wonder why, as an American-born Filipina who has never taken any classes in Tagalog, I speak so well.  I just remember all the conversations I listened to - my parents, family, friends, etc.  I recall the words. I throw the switch.  And while my 2nd most fluent language is still French, I'm getting better at my native tongue all the time.

My Manila-bourgeois circuit consists of going to the Glorietta Mall, straight to Rustan's, and then coffee at Cafe Figaro, then lunch at Mangan.  Then Celebrity Spa and Sports Club for a body scrub, manicure and foot spa/pedicure.  I go to Emphasis Salon in Rockwell, for haircuts/style, eyebrow threadings, and facials.  I'm curious about this place, Amezcua Wellness: http://www.amezcua.com/ - a holistic medi-spa.  I've spent good amounts of time with my uncles, aunts and cousins, but the family is so extensive that there's still many more dinners and lunches I will have to attend.

Last week, I also visited the memorial park where the cremated remains of my paternal grandparents, Lola Emily and Lolo Vely, are interred in an ossuary. Next to them is also half of the cremated remains of my own Papa.  I feel stronger in myself for being able to be here and to revel in his memory, his friends and his life, understanding more and more of the man Papa was when he wasn't just my Papa.  All without tears or breaking down. I can bring back the memories of 2003 clear as day: receiving the news from my mother, going home to grieve and comfort my mom and sisters, all of us holding each other, the flight back to Manila, the wake already in progress, the pain, the wailing, the loss, the togetherness - the STRENGTH!  Pure strength of Papa's spirit passed into me, I felt it, as I still feel him, communicating with me from inside my cells, all the parts of me that came from him.  And his death has never left me feeling weak.  Ever. I would personally consider it a waste and a dishonor for me to allow his passing to weaken me, because that would mean, to me, that I would be ignoring all the gifts he left for me.

Our film, Ang Pamana-The Inheritance will premiere here in the Philippines on November 15, and I'm going to a screening for distributors tomorrow!  Finally I'll see the whole, finished film, with sound and everything!

Outlines/Treatments for 4 film projects are due by August 21st - but with a team of 4 working regularly, we'll totally hit that target and probably sooner.  I've got an egg-timer that we use for 1 hour pure-focus writing sprints, a few times a day.

Romeo's mom is ailing, in Canada, which is hard on him right now.  It might be time for her to start dialysis.  Prayers and healing energy go out to Tita Patti Candido in Kingston, ON. 

Another friend has just received news that his wife is seriously ill, and I've written him the following, which I include here for anyone else who may find benefit in these words:

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I am lighting candles for you and Becky at a church in San Agustin, the oldest Church in Manila, and the only building left intact in the totally massacre and destroyed section of Intramuros, during the Battle of Manila. I have never been a Catholic, but I know a vortex of spiritual energy when I feel one.

As I light them, I will pray, I will incant, I will do all my very best, to send the telepathic waves to Becky's cells, invoking that primordial blueprint of perfect health and balance.  That blueprint still exists in her cells.  I believe it in all my heart, and you and Becky especially can call on them, recalling and revisiting the times of Becky's life where she was the most robust and healthy, reminding her body by focusing her mind, on the what she saw with her eyes, smelled, touched, heard and especially felt in her body during specific times when she was totally strong, healthy, well-rested, invigorated.

This is my offering of support and guidance.  I've guided many through illness now, sometimes resulting in their ability to heal themselves, sometimes resulting in the natural transformation of their energy to another form.

Let the body be weak, if it must.  But keep the mind, the sentience, the spirit, engaged and immersed in thoughts of wholeness, strength, power, joy and love. 

>

As always, in my homeland, my gifts are heightened, and I become more at peace, more clear and infinitely more aware of every power that has ever stirred within me. 

Something is activated here in my DNA, and I feel as if I can see through walls and plunge my hands into the murky darkness without fear and manifest gold.

The petty longings and concerns fall away, and I am poised to take all my energy and tear into the unknown, feast on myself, take full ownership and responsibility for every moment being one of my own creation.  Spaces are mine to flood with joy, pleasure, power, sentience, healing. 

Today for breakfast I am going to eat 2 entire tilapia fish.  Fried whole.  I will tear into it with my bare hands, splash it with calamansi (tiny lemon-lime) and white vinegar and eat all the meat, picking out the bones.  Then, ripe juicy mango and a pomelo.

Hello from Manila!

Hello from the future! The Philippines is across the international date line - and I am 15 hours ahead of my home in Los Angeles.

My trip, so far:

1. Flight out of Los Angeles = waiting. waiting. waiting. Feeling the energy of the passengers growing into a dangerously angry mob. I waver between exercises in detachment/breathing and wanting to scream.

2. On the flght, I get one of those seats that are all the way in the back, so my seat doesn't lean back very far. At least I got an empty seat next to me, and struggle for 14 hours to find a comfortable way to sleep.

3. Despite late departure in Los Angeles, somehow the pilot makes good on his promise to "make it up in the air" and gets us to Hong Kong in good time. In Hong Kong, I don't buy anything because I'd have to change money or use my credit card - and I'm too out of it to even want to compute the exchange rate. But there is free wifi at the Hong Kong airport. Yay!

4. Touchdown in Manila. Sailing through immigration, baggage claim, customs. Male airport attendants keep asking me if I need help. I keep telling them no. My American DIY attitude somehow hasn't relaxed enough to allow anyone to start helping me.

5. My uncle isn't outside yet. It's midnight and it's easily about 80 F, and so humid my glasses keep slipping off my nose. A guard notices me looking around, and asks if I need help. "Gusto mo'ng tawagin?" (Do you want to call) I think he says - "Wala k'ong phone. (I don't have a phone) I say. He summons another guard who asks me the number, which I get from my US phone. It rings. My uncle is closeby.

"Salamat, darating na sila" I say (Thanks, they're arriving now). They ask me if I'm from the US, making chit chat. My uncle, whom I love for his own awesomeness as well as his resemblance to my late Papa, arrives, with a helper in tow. They take my bags, which I have been schlepping around on my own, and open the door to the minivan, which is new and has a dvd player inside.

6. My uncle points to a pocket behind the front seats. A phone, with a new SIMcard, and phone card to load it with minutes, is in a small pouch. In addition, 2 packs of Marlboro Menthols and 2 lighters are there. I tell him I don't smoke anymore, but I take them anyway and put them in my purse.

7. We catch up in the van. When we arrive at the family home, he texts the maid's phone to have her open up the gate. My bags are taken upstairs. My uncle tells me there's DSL at the house now, too. I'm stoked. We go upstairs to my room, which has a large bed, plenty of cabinets, a vanity table, tv with dvd, aircon and bathroom.

8. I stay up a bit, establishing communications with my husband Matt in the UK with my new cell phone and wireless. On tv, I watch Saturday Night Live, music videos, Queer Eye, etc. Ah, this is the "third world"??? I take a sleeping pill to force sleep, so I can wake up in the morning adjusted to the new timezone.

9. By the time I get up in the morning, my uncle and aunt are gone, and their two small children sent off to school. The maid asks what I want for breakfast. I tell her: fried rice, 2 fried eggs, and bangus (smoked milkfish). I go upstairs to shower, come back, and my food is set out with a pitcher of my favorite Pomelo Tang. Yum.

10. Currently lounging, unpacking and watching Brokeback Mountain on what is most likely a pirated DVD or one of those DVDs made by someone sneaking into a theatre and recording the screen!

Nothing about being across the world feels strange at all. Coming to Manila always feel so natural, like dropping seamlessly into a parallel reality. Something in my genes, and my memes, is awakened by the atmosphere, and makes me feel truly present. I have a few days to acclimate, arrange some outings with family, and then I set to work.

Back from the UK

All my molecules have made it safely back over the Atlantic Ocean and I am back in Los Angeles to rock and roll.

A few updates, which I'll be writing about more extensively in upcoming posts:

1. I passed my real estate licensing exam with quantum recall+self-hypnosis+yinyang balancing+time travelling techniques - I barely got a chance to study, but I trusted that somewhere in my mind the information had a home, and I just had to find the key to that room.

2. A few announcements and updates regarding office hours and appointments:

Office Hours
Tuesday - Friday, 10am - 6pm
Saturday, 9 - noon, although I will take 1-2pm appointments if necessary

Off-site Appointments
I am available for off-site appointments to those clients whom I've already met in my office. This means I can travel to you, if necessary, for a nominal surcharge. (Gas prices are crazy these days!) BTW, I usually try to check Los Angeles Gas Prices before I go anywhere!

Phone Sessions
I am available for phone sessions at the standard hourly rate - and these sessions can be scheduled outside of office hours. This means that if you would like a session by phone, we can do this on weekends, or during weeknights, as necessary. Phone sessions must be prepaid in advance, via cheque by mail, or via online credit card payment, through Paypal.

For vocal training, phone sessions can only be available for established students.

3. Small Group Workshops
I'll be hosting a few small group workshops (12 people or less) in the next few months, on the following topics:

_Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (based on David Allen's book) and Self-Hypnosis

In this 3 part session series, I will explain and help you implement either low-tech or hi-tech platforms to his workflow process system, to integrate your personal, professional, family and creative goals into one seamless, manageable workflow.

I recently attended David Allen's seminar and learned that his coaches charge $300 per hour for professional consultation to help you implement this system.  The seminar I attended was $600 for one day!  One of the things he mentioned is that the people who need this kind of help most are the ones who can't afford it.  I'd like to help people who really need the help - and this 3 session series will only cost $150 for all 3 one-hour sessions.  That's $50 per session, and at the end of the day, when you consider how much more productive you can be, and all the many projects you've been waiting to start to strategize and move forward, and how you can do this all without feeling overwhelmed or overstressed, this is an amazing value.  Each session begins and ends with a short lesson and practice in self-hypnosis, to help reinforce the topics discussed as well as your self-confidence. It feels good to be organized from the inside out!

_The War of Art - Overcoming Creative Self-Sabotage
(based on Steven Pressfield's book)
This is a wonderful book I've recommended to several clients.  In one workshop, we will simply discuss this book and identify and help overcome personal points of Resistance and any old beliefs that limit your ability to express, create and pursue your artistic goals.  If your artistic content has been simmering or festering or just waiting for you to turn the key in the lock, this is the time for you to start committing to creative goals and making the most of the opportunities that are always around you. While I love "The Artist's Way" - the course is both lengthy and expensive.  This workshop is only $50!

I have many new exciting methods and research to share, and if you would prefer to discuss these topics in a private session, we can set that up too!

As always, please let me know how I can help you, or if you have experienced significant changes or progress that you wouldn't mind sharing (can always be anonymous) I'd love to hear from you! In addition, if you know anyone who you think might benefit from my services, please don't hesitate to refer them to me.

Thanks and take care,

Carmen

Jet-Lagged in UK

There's not much on tv at 2:28 am in England. But it's 6.31pm in California and I'm not sleepy at all.  The photo is of BBC1 - where there are nature and historical documentaries, which are are signed by the people in the corner for the hearing impaired. I guess the hearing-impaired are awake at this time?

There's actually some sporadic sunshine here in Sheffield during the day, but it's still overcast, with rain and wind.

I've already eaten so much cheese. I'm going to track down a yoga class for tomorrow to help me feel limber and grounded again.

This guy is now providing sign language to Oliver Stone's "Heaven and Earth."  The signers are really animated in the face.  It's 3.11 a.m. now.  Not sleepy yet.  I've seen this movie before, a long time ago - it came out when I was in the Toronto production of Miss Saigon - helped to inform me a little more about the history of the Vietnam War, and how this could incorporate into my role with more compassion and understanding. 

It's interesting, I'm on a holiday but I can't help feeling slightly agitated that I'm not being more productive!

Ordering Chaos: Pt 4: Epiphany

As I was driving back from San Francisco, I realized why I was born.  I was driving back, alone, a drive I can make in about 5 hours or less, a drive I enjoy.  I sing, I think, I snap little pictures, I audioblog for my husband.  I scribble little notes.

As I was caterwauling along to a Martina McBride song, I started crying. . . "I was born, to give my love, I was born to give my love, I was born, to give my love, to you. . "

I thought: I know what I am made for. I know my purpose. I know my greatest achievements in this life are not accumulations of accolades, wealth, fame, validation, or stuff.

My greatest wealth comes from those connections I have made, connections of intimacy, support, compassion and strength.  I look at my friends, who own nicer cars, lots of property, and sometimes I compare myself to them - what do I have?  What can I show for all these years of existence?

My network of love is vast, with roots reaching far back in time, and spanning the globe.  I give of myself, without need for acknowledgement, but I acknowledge others.  I validate from within.  My confidence is born from the knowledge that I operate within a context of love, compassion, patience and pleasure that I create myself.  I am known and loved by many friends, not for what I do for a living, or proofs of my awesomeness, but just because I exist.  I am me, and that is abundant, and because of this I trust my steps, I trust in the natural sequence of events, I am curious and wondrous about the unravelling story that is my experience of this life. 
 

Ordering Chaos: PT II: Going Home

I love San Francisco. It is my birthplace and my rebirthplace, and each time I return I learn more about how much I've grown. I recently went back for a few days to my beloved City So Small, and saw many friends, also had some voice-over work there, and a hypnotherapy client.

It is my goal, desire and intention to develop enough clientele there that I can go up to the City 1x/month and see clients and especially my friends. I have a few places that I can use to see clients, and I can also go to see clients who have their own offices.

While in SF, I go to my own haunts - small, untrendy places for locals like Eddie's Cafe on Divisadero and Fulton for breakfast, coffee at Cafe Abir, and always, shoe missions with my best girlfriend, Charmaine, on Haight. Had a lovely dinner at EOS compliments of Mr. Jonathan Abrams, and met up with several friends at Jay's Bee Pub Club down in the Mission. Had some delicious drinks at the fabulously uncrowded Bar 821.

My criteria for good place to go in SF:

A) free, safe, nearby parking or easy access from public transit.
B) free wi-fi (if applicable)
C) good coffee, delicious foods or tasty treats
D) chill but energetic background music
E) cheap to medium expensive

Although my best friend Romeo's short film was playing at this year's Asian American Film Festival, it wasn't showing on a day I was there. He's in Manila, anyway, shooting his feature length film The Inheritance - which I helped to write! I have my first story editor credit on a feature length film - and it's actually getting made right now!

I always feel such a pang coming over the Bay Bridge, when the SF City skyline comes into view. I roll down the window, and the air smells like home.

Past, Present, Future: Intersect Right Now!

I've finally shaken off the jet lag, and have braved the cold to go out into the town. It's snowing here in Sheffield, South Yorkshire, UK. So my husband, Matt doesn't have internet at his flat yet, my powerbook is still under repair so I've looked up what seems to be the only internet cafe in the Sheffield phone book and hiked up to a taxi stand, then took a £5 or $9ish cab ride just to log on for the first time since I've arrived. Where is the free wifi? Where are the open wifi networks?

Matt is at work at the Apple Store at Meadowhall, and I've done the shopping for the bits for our New Year's Eve in the flat, just us, warm and cozy and together, sheltered by the bitter winter's frost here in Sheffield City Centre.

No use for cute shoes or cute clothes here.  Just whatever is warmest and most weather resistant.  Matt has one of those legendary washer+dryer-in-one units at the flat.  It does both. And a towel warmer in the bathroom.  These are the things I like. Of course, the #1 thing I like and love and adore, is my husband, Matthew.

I already have a blister on my heel from all the walking. No cable yet at the flat, so I'm confined to the 5 BBC channels. Just at this moment, a bit of sun has broken through the clouds.  The first I've seen since I arrived.

To back up, I had a wonderful Christmas, very simple and stress free, with much quality time spent with both sides of our family - singing, playing games, watching movies, cooking and hanging out.  The year feels very full, and as I am alone again, at least for a few hours, on New Year's Eve Day, I take the time to do my own private ritual of reflection: a process of archiving and deletion, taking inventory of 2004, and also projection: my future-paced visualizations for 2005 and beyond.

On December 31, 2004 I was alone in my apartment in Toluca Lake, CA, and I went by myself to Beverly Hot Springs, a Korean spa/bathhouse - a natural alkaline mineral hot springs in the middle of Koreatown.  Over a 4 hour period of different techniques of quantum incantation, self-hypnosis, TimeLine therapy, reframing, archiving and deletion, meditation, breathing exercises, prayer, self-organization and visualization techniques, I took the full soaked 2004 sponge and wrung it out, I was ruthless with myself in which hang-ups, fears, phobias, limiting beliefs and personal mythos I was going to eschew, I broke myself all the way down, a process of self-immolation through heating, soaking, steaming, drying out, rehydrating, purifying. 

Until I was reduced to the essence of me, the source of my inexhaustible fire, my seed of divinity, my infinite Spark, around which I wove myself new garments of belief.  In these moments I broke down the hard-core of me, and let my desire sing out across the world. I decided, with all my heart, breath, soul, fire - that this was the year I would let myself be seen, be found, and be loved.

On January 1st, 2005, Matt Kenefick arrived in my INBOX, a message from across the world - the man, the Mate, had read a poem I'd posted in lieu of a profile on my Nerve.com personals site. The most intense intellectual, ether-borne relationship of neural intermingling, map-meshing and divinely inspired connection kicked off a process of recognition and verification through music and word, and evidences of our patternlock filled our love database every day. Until we met in the flesh in March/April 2005, then married in October 2005.  It is now December 31st, 2005. I am in Sheffield with the 0ne I called out to, across the world, through the ether and with all the strength of my heart, one year ago. 

This year I have forged many wonderful partnerships in growth - clients, friends, colleagues, who inspire and support me. I've become closer to my mother and my family, more than I have been in my entire adult life. Close friends and family have engaged, married, given birth to beautiful babies, engaged in both joyous and sorrowful life transitions, and I am blessed to be connected with such loving, courageous, innovative and generous spirits. 

In 2006, my hypnotherapy practice and vocal studio will be housed in a wonderful space in Hollywood, CA, a private space with views of the Griffith Park Observatory and the Hollywood sign.  Opportunities, ventures and partnerships abound: for writing e-books, publishing my poetry, writing screenplays, producing a musical/cabaret, vocal performance instruction, recording some of my own music, expanding the breadth and the services of my hypnotherapy practice through further specialized education and training, collaborating on my husband's album, doing some professional blogging, podcasting, hosting workshops, more consulting work, getting some use out of my real estate agent's license. . . more travel! more joy! more love! Our 'Luvmigration' process for Matt's spousal visa should be all tidied up and ready for his importation to the US by June at the latest, with our 'Wedding Re-mix' reception scheduled for October of 2006.

With a full heart, upward views and unstoppable resolve toward abundance, success and the mutual arising, I send warm support and encouragement for your 2006 - a year to Unleash, Unlock and Advance confidently toward your life's goal, passion and purpose.

- Carmen Leilani De Jesus, from Sheffield, South Yorkshire, UK