It's been 5 years since my father passed away. It was 2003 and I was living in San Francisco in the Richmond District. My own grief has finally transformed - into strength, compassion, and refined selective memories of his better attributes.
In 2004, my close friend Max taught me about a tradition in his family - where on the anniversary of his loved one's death, he would go and eat that loved one's favorite foods - a ritual which I brought to my family. We're big on eating anyway, but this really brings comfort and a new context of joy to an otherwise potentially dismal day.
My father died of a heart attack - he had few vices besides gluttony and sloth. Both those vices, as we know, are deadly, especially to someone with pre-existing hypertension, previous strokes, sciatica, and Type II diabetes. So, its a bit morbid to run down the list of his favorite foods, because they know doubt contributed to his demise. But here goes:
- arroz cubano
- fettucine alfredo
- filet mignon
- bulalo (look it up - it's a filipino thing)
- balut
- penoy
- fried eggs
- shrimp
- corned beef
- dungeness crab
- spam
- cheez whiz
- spray cheese
- pan de sal
- rice
Wherever we are in the world, our family texts each other "what are you eating for Pa?" This year, my sister Toni, cousin Danielle and my baby Phoenix and I ate corned beef, fried eggs and rice.
While I don't condone "eating your feelings" per se - this is a little different. Maybe Pa is experiencing his foods through us. But basically, it's a way for us to remember him, without sorrow, and instead, celebrate him, together, and all the memories that foods evoke.
If you want to remember your departed loved ones in a way that makes you smile, share, delight in taste, and even burp contentedly (instead of crying and being all bummed out) - please Eat for your Pa, too.
Comments