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August 12, 2007

95% Bulletproof

Recently I've had a challenging time with someone who has been a best friend of mine for many years.
In short, I had expectations of his behavior, based on the tenure/nature of our relationship, which not met during the last stages of my pregnancy, during and after my childbirth. 

So I've been harboring a growing resentment, which has turned into a Very Big Hurt.

Part of my whole "Optimal Mindset" is taking responsibility for the feelings I feel, and especially the feelings/thoughts I hold and allow to affect me.

It's usually not a problem, because 95% of the time I am "bulletproof" - in that I am usually unaffected by people's opinions of me, or their actions - I don't worry what/if people are thinking about me.  I don't get my feelings hurt very often at all. Almost never. That's partially attributed to my Aquarian detachment, but also to a very solid, and well-planted sense of self-worth and value that I have quietly cultivated throughout my life.

Unless. . . unless. Unless you are in one of the closest degrees of the concentric circles outlying my deepest heart. Unless you are one of my most trusted, tenured and intimate friends - which of course, resultingly comes with high expectations of care and behavior.

But wallowing in resentment and "hurt feelings" isn't very enlightened, and I do actively STRIVE to rise above the petty conflicts of my ego within this human meatsuit. Here is my   Checklist for "When I feel Hurt" - which is what I use to gain balance:

1) Is the behavior something i don't like in myself reflected in the other?
2) No victim mentality allowed
3) What's the optimal/enlightened response?
4) What would Jesus/Buddha/Wayne Dyer/Ram Tzu do?
5) How/Why did I manifest this situation aka why did I make it "matter"/materialize?
6) What's to learn here?
7) What outcome do I want - and how can I take responsibility for making it happen?
8) Do I need to calm down? Are my feelings getting in the way of seeing things with equanimity?
9) Is my perception clouded by old baggage? Am I applying global experience to this local event?
10) What could the other person say or do to neutralize/appease me?
11) Am I being stubborn/childish/vindictive? Could I be wrong?

Still, it's hard to put this knowledge in action, when there's stubborn "hurt feelings" - the image of the ego with it's arms crossed, pouting, demanding mollification.

Posted at 02:44 PM in OM in Action |

Tags: best practices, breaking up, buddha, carmen de jesus, carmen leilani, conflict resolution, ego assassin, enlightenment, ex best friend, fighting with my ego, friendship, hurt feelings, jesus, letting go, meatsuit, mollification, optimal mindset, personal responsibility, petty quarrels, ram tzu, relationship evolution, sentience, transcendence, victim mentality, wayne dyer

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