A timeslice from this week::::
Is this a test?
I've built my hypnotherapy practice around the concept of the Optimal Mindset - more than a "positive" mindset - not quite super-Zen detachment but rather one of those "happy places" you carry around with you all the time, a resourceful state that can be accessed anytime, especially in times of stress and anxiety. Not pollyanna sunshine state, mind you, not some Nu Age I'm as placid as a cow vapid airhead blitheness - just good emo/psych/phys balance state of resilience.
I've been able to live by this personal philosophy through some traumatic life situations - multiple deaths/grievings, breakups, etc. But I'm not bulletproof, neither. .
Last week was a really good week. I saw one client every day - which is the best week I've had yet as a hypnotherapist. This week I had 3 appointments scheduled. Next week I had 2 scheduled.
On Tuesday, I went to the clinic, prepared for a session at 1. Client doesn't show, so I wait, and finally call at 1.25 -- she answers and says she had our appointment down for Weds. Although both the receptionist and I had it down for Tuesday, I said - oh ok, well I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
So I pack it up, and get another call: "Carmen, I can't see you next week, can I call you to reschedule when I know?" Yes, of course, sure, okay.
I get to the car and get another call from someone who had already rescheduled with me once - Carmen, I've been called out of town for work - I'll need to reschedule with you for when I get back. Yes, of course, sure, okay.
Driving home, trying not to let these calls bring me down too much-- they aren't cancellations after all, they're "rescheduling." I get to a cafe where I try to pull myself together, post more ads, telling myself to redouble my efforts somehow. Then the lady who 'missed' the appointment today calls and says she can't make it tomorrow because she has a meeting with her kid at school. She'll call me, she says.
That was Tuesday. I tried really really hard to keep on top of it, to realize "it's not me, not my fault, just timing, keep faith" -- of course this has to happen on the first day of my period. Ugh.
Call in to therapist/mentor for quick 10 minute pep-talk. "This is a rite of passage for all successful therapists, Carmen. Some people let this kind of thing discourage them. If you can allow yourself to let this go, then it's a lesson that you need to learn, to be able to give this gift to your clients when it seems they are overwhelmed. Remember, you were able to manifest those clients in the first place -- you did it once, you can do it again. They had to book first, to seek you out first, before they could even reschedule/cancel."
Call in to exbf/friend: "Carmen, you're amazing, I love you, you gotta keep at it, be good to yourself, let it go, eat some chocolate, paint your nails and watch a stupid movie. . ." Talking to him allowed me to vent, he hung in there even when I started getting really negative, then was patient until his kindness finally gave me license to break down and cry.
Call in to girlfriend: "I'm so sorry babes, that's the tough part of a new business, you can't let it stop you. . . my dad is calling some of his psychiatrist friends to introduce you to them - maybe they can give you referrals."
Call in fr newer friend: "It's ok to have a shitty day. Besides, that's the thing about the therapy business, you're dealing with people who aren't all 'together' and that's why they need your help."
So Wednesday I decide I won't let it get me down, get back on the pavement, started putting up flyers in strategic locations, leaving cards here and there. Keeping mind and heart open, available, receptive. Got one phone call right away from 2 guys asking about my "Optimal Mindset" program and what it was all about, asking for prices. Asking if 'any medication' comes with it. . . ??? Well, at least I am getting responses.
Go to the gym despite horrific headache. Come home, someone has left a note on the Maxima (which I'm not driving bc there's too many issues with it - instead I'm driving the family "Space Shuttle" a giant van - until I can figure out what to do with Maxima and find a buyer for the van) - someone is interested in buying the Maxima!
Thursday morning and I refresh ads, get dressed and ready to go out to post flyers at Valley College and CSUN, then go to case conference at the clinic, just to get into the zone again. I walk out, dressed, prepared, recalibrated. I was wearing a dress for the first time in months. gorgeous sandals, hair done up in pincurls. Sun is shining, what a great day! I was determined to make the best effort to let myself be open and seen.
The van isn't where I parked it. Maybe I parked it elsewhere? I walk around the block, sweating. . . . it's not there. As I run in my sandals, the back of it cuts into my ankle, I'm bleeding. I'm sweating in my dress, a pincurl comes undone as I go into awful resignation/panic. I stumble in my sandals. what a mess. Total Les Miserables style.
The van was towed. Means money out when there isn't much extra for anything. Call to Mama for license plate number, call to Dept of Transport for # of tow truck company. Call to tow truck company - $168.50 to come get the truck. Van registered to my aunt still, have to call her to pick me up to pick up van, ugh.
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>>>> Decide to take a walk to drive the Maxima around really quick. It's a sunshine day here in the Valley. Recent rains good for the flowers blooming everywhere. Deep breath, fragrant breezes, I stretch and smile. Neighborhood cat purring on my doorstep. I can freak out, or I can sit here, write this, count my blessings, and smile as the days continue to go by.
Passing the test?
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