Each Day R/Evolution

Post-Midnight Litanies summon the earthquake

Feeling the strain and the pressure of multiple responsibilities.  Make me a diamond, pressure.

Just now, as I was awake at 1.30am-ish, I began to break down - the tears flowing out of the cracks in my tightly bound shell.  Too focused on "How." I forget.  Do not focus on how. Focus on the intention, big, bright and clear.  Nothing can penetrate the laser focus trajectory of a well defined intention.

Desert winds blow strong outside. I hold the baby in my arms. The Podfather is away from us tonight.  So tired, so much data whirling in my mind, the hierarchy of my priorities holding fast even through the maelstrom of competing desires and demands from the outside world.

The reset begins, the litany - wherein I rock and sway, the prayers of thanks and humble acknowledgement of the generous, compassionate and abundant blessings bestowed upon my life.

Thank you for my son and his perfect health. Thank you for my mate and his love. Thank you for my beautiful family and their support. Thank you for the love, support, guidance and protection of my loyal friends. Thank you for my purpose and the opportunities to fulfill it. Thank you for the experiences that have helped me to build the strength I need to approach my life with courage and resolve.

I let the gratitude and the abundance flow through me until I feel cleared of shadow, until my consciousness is filled with the feelings of blessings, fortune, grace.

Focus my intentions. Align my values and my priorities with planned action. Set determination.  Breathe in strength. Exhale tension.

The earthquake came and went, during this ritual.

Words to calm. Words to create worlds. Words to soothe. Words to build bridges. Words to set boundaries. Words to express love. Words to summon. Words to invoke. Words to broadcast and bind intention. Words to cut through conspiracy.  The power of words, the power of the tongue. Words to say thank you. Words to mark and manifest from the quanta. Words to order chaos. Words to prompt and expose.

I sequence my words to reflect the sequence of events I desire. 

I remember who and what I am, and give thanks for all my Selves.

Productivity & Spacing Out: A 10 Step Primer

From reading his books, and attending his Roadmap seminar, David Allen's whole point of putting things in the GTD system is to give oneself as much time as possible to relax, goof off, and space out. That's what "stress-free productivity" means.

There's a high associated to kicking ass under high-stress situations, a rush to the ego and self-satisfaction of multi-tasking efficiently. One feels superhuman, pushing limits of time and energy to the limit and expanding one's limits.  I used to be prideful about this kind of plate-spinning-split-attention-multitasking proficiency.  But what am I busy with?  That's a Tim Ferriss-kind of question, to evaluate the "busy work," and if what I'm doing is worthwhile (also David Seah-style). 

Sometimes, coming off a binge of hyperproductivity and an extremely fast-paced, high-octane stretch of work focus, it can be difficult to wind down.  The mind's machine whirs and clicks and becomes greedily accustomed to crunching tasks and data. When the work is done, it becomes hard to relax, and in the absence of "problems to crunch" the mind troubleshoots even the most silent, content moments, for some new problem to solve, even inventing or exacerbating problems just for FOOD.

My point, and the point of all the thinkers below, is that the goal of efficiency and productivity is to create more space/time for higher level creative thinking, pleasure/leisure-centric activities and RELAXATION!

Let me summarize what I've grokked from these guys below:

David Allen: capture data in trusted system and set times/contexts to execute and review - goal of stress-free productivity; clear psychic RAM and be focus-efficient with the details, free up mindspace for abstract, genius, creative thinking. Goal: Chill time.

Tim Ferriss: Energy and time-efficient clients. Paring down to sparest and most effective actions, outsourcing, automating or eliminate all else.  Work smart and efficiently to be more productive in less time. Goal: Chill time.

Malcolm Gladwell: Blink. I decided. Trust intuition about decisions and eliminate inefficient struggle or self-doubt. Goal: Chill time.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: 
"It is also important to develop the habit of doing whatever needs to be done with concentrated attention. Even the most routine tasks, like washing dishes, dressing, or mowing the lawn, become more rewarding if we approach them with the care it would take to make a work of art. "
Likens the Flow state to the basic concept of Zen mindfulness. To summarize: GO WASH YOUR BOWL!
Goal: Chill out time.

Jim Loehr: As a corporate athlete, the most energy-efficient way to work is in sprints of hyper/productivity. Focus sprints allow for long periods of downtime to rest, recover, relax. Goal: Chill time.

David Seah: Be aware of how you spend your "billable hour" and if what you're doing is the best use of your time.  Do what's the best use of your time and skillset, don't waste time doing what's beneath your skill level if you can help it. Goal: More chill-time.

Lesson: It's all about chill time.  Being productive, getting tasks done should make you feel relaxed as your reward.  As you are rushing about, crossing off your action items, remember to not only enjoy the moment of closing the open loop, but also consider that the elegant, efficient execution of tasks CREATES space for pleasure-centric activities!

So when your work for the day is done, don't seek out more work.  Enforce a quota for "work time" with yourself, and protect and defend your pleasure-centric hours of the day, however you choose to spend them.  Is there a switch to turn off hyper-productivity and multitasking anxiety? Yes. It's the same switch that turns on your thoughts of pleasure and leisure.

Here is Carmen's "Optimal Mindset" "License to Space Out" recipe, this is what I use to unplug and fall back into full possession of myself:

1. Stop all action.
2. Be alone in a room.
3. Lock the door.
4. Close the laptop.
5. Turn off the phone.
6. Hide the clock.
7. Drink some water.
8. Lie on the floor and be still. Stare at the ceiling or close your eyes.
9. Take 10 deep cleansing breaths.
10. Don't move until something really COMPELS you to move. Observe what motivates you to get up, besides eating and going to the bathroom.

Be still for as long as you can until something COMPELS you to movement.  What's compelling? It's what YOU want to do. It's what you WANT to do.  Not because it's expected, or you're obligated, or you want to prove something. 

This is how I sort my priorities.  By reminding myself how I choose my Next Action, based on what is important to me, and how I want to do things that concern what is important to me.

Breaking down and finding purpose

Today I broke down. It is painful to my ego to admit that I might be suffering from some kind of post-partum depression. But I have been a self-diagnosed "dopamine junkie" since 1999 - and I just realized that I am so Pod-focused, so depleted in energy, that I have no source of dopamine-production stimuli anymore.

The ego leads me back to thoughts of pleasure. Where are my selfish pleasures now? I have no pleasures of the body anymore, and when I even meditate too long on the lack of pleasure my only release is weeping.  I weep as Phoenix cries.  It is my only physical release and one of my only selfish acts these days - the mourning of my "old life," my freedoms, my mobility, my pleasures.

Ah, but there is the trap again - the backward glances, the focus on the lack.  My friend Myke today reminded me that I should be creative, and not just online - but something physical, tangible.  I could argue that I've just produced the most exhaustive and complete creation of my life.  But he is right.  It is imperative that somehow I muster enough energy and focus to be generative. Not just thinking of business/money - but artistically generative.  This is critical to my soul, and to the nurturing of my Pod.

I've been worried about what effect this maternity sabbatical and shift in priorities is having on my career.  I am anxious about how I will manage to return to full-time work focus mode and raise my Pod.  How can my career advance if I can't take client meetings, or if I can't work overtime on innovating solutions?

I look at my tiny son, whose connection to the infinite was so reassuring when he was in my womb. I search his eyes and open my port, willing him to open up our telepathic link and send me glimpses of the future.

"How is this all supposed to work?  How do I make it work?  How do I find ease and balance in this newest level of responsibility and consciousness?"

He stares back. Clear grey eyes. Smiles, wiggles, looks around, distracted by the light. Pouts. Furrows tiny brows and grunts. 
I weep as he watches and listens to me.  The lyrics to "This Woman's Work" loop in my head, triggering fresh onslaughts of tears. . .

"I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't."

No time for thoughts of self. Self-care limited to that which is for the sake of the Pod - keeping my energy up, keeping my milk production up, having just enough patience to respond as much as possible to his needs with gentleness, sweetness, nurturing - because that is what he deserves.  No time for thoughts of romance. Fresh tears. Dark, unenlightened, sub-optimal word forms and thoughts conspire with sleep deprivation and materialize resentments for which there are no cures nor justifications. I aim to just let the thoughts pass, flow through me, letting them pass.

Dining out on memories now. The dopamine junkie in me is starved, begins to loop back to old memories, if only to squeeze out any leftover chemical reaction to soothe myself.  Then I berate myself for looking back. Then I berate myself for berating myself.  Then I breathe and jolt myself back into the present moment. Must be present in the moment, musn't miss a precious minute of these early days of Pod's life . . . slipping away like wax melting off a candle . . .

I rock Phoenix in my arms, he quiets, I keep crying, a spontaneous force-restart litany of offering/acknowledging abundance. . . my litany of Thank You's -
Thank you for my healthy perfect son, thank you for my health and recovery, thank you for all the love that I am given, for friends, for family. Thank you for the sentience, thank you for this life, thank you for all the challenges which are so minor in comparison to the lives of those less fortunate, thank you that I have food for myself and can provide shelter and milk for my son, thank you for all my needs which are provided for. Thank you for my son's life and purpose. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my purpose, my purpose, my purpose. . . .

My purpose is not to satisfy my ego and its to fall into its traps of comparative successes.  My purpose is not to be a career oriented over achiever, or even to be acknowledged or lauded for my achievements. 
My purpose is the transformation and utmost evolution of my soul and awareness, to live with optimal energetic balance to give and receive love, to transcend the traps of the ego by living simply but with maximum sentience, to use my intellect, experience, compassion, skills and interpersonal intuitions to provide for my survival and the survival of my child primarily, and for the support and betterment of my loved ones/mutual arising, secondarily.

As an individual human on this planet, in this life, this is my purpose.

Dilbert Cartoonist weighs in on Hypnosis

I'm not a big Dilbert comics reader, but I think Scott Adams is a pretty cool guy, and it turns out, he's a trained hypnotist.

On his blog, he weighs in on the often-heard-by-hypnotists-comment "I can't be hypnotized."

Regular readers already know that I’m a trained hypnotist. When people hear that, the most common response I hear is “I can’t be hypnotized.” I suppose people are trying to tell me they have too much will power.

What they actually tell me is that they have no understanding of hypnosis. Luckily I’m here to clear up everything.

The best way to think of hypnosis is on a continuum of methods for influencing people. .

. . .you could learn how to improve your performance in some area of your life that would benefit from focus and visualization. For example, it might help you get rid of the yips in your golf game, or become a better public speaker. In that way, hypnosis is much like having a good coach.

 

In my opinion, if you can watch a scary movie and be scared, you can be hypnotized.  If you watch a movie about plane crashes and develop a fear of flying, you can be hypnotized. If you see a commercial about a fat juicy char-broiled hamburger then suddenly find yourself wanting to have burgers for your next meal, then you can be hypnotized. If you can ride the subway, reading a book, then miss your stop because you were so engrossed in the story, you can be hypnotized.

When I explain hypnosis to my hypnotherapy clients, I talk to them about hypersuggestibility.  When you are in a hypersuggestible state, then you are influenced by certain factors into taking "suggestions" as possible/probable reality.  We are all taken in, and influenced in our thoughts and behaviors, by compelling stories.  Especially stories about ourselves that we feel are immutable destinies.  ( and/or media or government propaganda! )

Most of my smoking cessation clients "can't see themselves without cigarettes." That's like saying, "You know, I would leave my crappy job, but I can't SEE myself doing anything else," or "I'd leave my abusive relationship, but I couldn't SEE myself with anyone else."

My job as a hypnotherapist is to help you SEE YOURSELF in a new light - and this new self-perception opens doors of possibility that allow you to really SEE YOURSELF as a Creator - not a passive victim - of life.

While under hypnosis, or guided visualization, your own creative abilities expand beyond your fixed idea of your current self, and you can be inspired and motivated to step into that ultimate vision of your life, goals and purpose. 

This is why hypnotherapy is such a completely powerful tool for creating change.  When you can really see the goal, you are more likely to achieve it.

Power of Language: Thoughts on Pain

I used to live in pain all the time.  Not only because I was overstressed and overworked and my hands, wrists, and body were suffering from RSI at my advertising job, but because I wasn't comfortable in my life, or myself, quite yet.

Anais Nin says, "The Secret Joy is the Mastery of Pain." The Marines say "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Pain was my friend, a constant companion that overstayed his welcome. 

After years of intense grief, upheaval, and tragedy, I took a deep breath in, while in the morning sunshine.  And noticed the absence of pain.  No pain in my body. No pain within myself.  Tentatively, I searched for it.  The weakness has left.

When my grandmother was dying in the hospital, I guided her thoughts away from pain, to a whole life review - the birth of each of her children, to her own childhood, and the smell of her favorite flowers.  I chided my relatives - telling them not to ask her if she was in pain. Duh. She was in more pain than any of us could fathom. Why bring her awareness to it, especially if her lucidity, her sentience, was still so intact and free?  Don't say agony, don't say pain.  There is only discomfort, pressure, sensation, and that's in the physical body.  Whatever pain you carry with you is a context of your own making and maintenance. Just talking about pain makes you tired. Telling others about how much pain you're in will only drain you. Find balance.  Feel the weakness leaving you, and the strength filling you.

60 seconds of somewhere else

Aural Escape: 60 seconds of somewhere else.  If you've got a minute to listen, then let the Quiet Americans take you away.