Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to the hospital tomorrow. I will not have any wireless/internet access as of tomorrow morning - and hopefully/probably will not be checking my email again until sometime on Monday or next week, AFTER I give birth.
The Pod has been very restless is my tummy these past few days, moving and stretching within me nonstop. I've been packing my maternity bag, cleaning up my room a little, washing all the little Pod-clothes, hats, booties and blankets, and trying to stay cool, stay preoccupied, take lots of naps, and remain fairly "normal."
But today is the last day of Podlessness, if he cooperates with the medical procedures tomorrow, which are designed to coax him from his safe uterus apartment, where he has been growing and doing his womb-kata, giving me all sorts of psychic advice thanks to his uplink to the infinite (which incidentally I believe will be curtailed to a certain degree to give his spirit the opportunity to rediscover the wonders of life after he is born "into the light"), where he has been thriving on my nutrients and preparing himself.
Today I send my final emails, return some phone calls, and begin my self-created ritual of preparation. While I am not a Scientologist, I do appreciate the intention behind their theories of silent birth - and will be enforcing a radio silence within myself starting tomorrow morning, communicating very little except with those directly present around me - so I can focus all my energies and thoughts on guiding, directing, reassuring and invoking my little Pod into this world with calm confidence and supreme grace.
The #1 question I've been asked - "Are you ready?" I can't even begin to answer that with full honesty. I could answer with halting bewilderment - or with a Zen-koan type riddle about "What is Readiness?" or "Ready or Not, Pod is coming." I could give a less-than-confident answer about how I could be more ready - if I had taken childbirth classes like Lamaze or something, and if I had been one of those "I'm thoroughly researching every possible procedure so I can be a fully medically informed person"-type of new mothers.
But here is the reality of my "readiness" as of this moment:
1) My maternity bag is very nearly finished being packed.
2) I still have bits of laundry and cleaning in preparation for bringing Pod home
3) I'm already pre-registered at the hospital, and will just be waiting for the call from Labor & Delivery at the Antelope Valley Women & Infants Pavilion - which can come as early as 5am tomorrow morning - when they will let me know what time I can come in to begin the induction procedures.
4) I have done a bit of research and will be printing out a "short list" of labor-inducing acupressure points, etc. to bring with me to assist in the process tomorrow.
5) Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble and Matt bought me a lovely leather journal and some magazines for the hospital
6) Today, my agenda consists of:
a) getting the car a tune-up (for Pod-safety)
b) buying some extra mini-DV tapes for the camcorder
c) recording my self-Hypno Birthing script and music playlist to my mp3 player
d) mailing some Thank You cards (already overdue!)
e) bits of Pod-laundry and room-prep
f) 1pm final prenatal massage
g) manicure/pedicure (if I can fit it in)
h) eating the magical labor-inducing salad that my mom will pick up for me when she goes into LA tonight
i) trying to take lots of naps and conserve energy in this heat for tomorrow's marathon
j) wrap-up updates and final communications before radio silence begins at midnight tonight
7) I've reviewed and considered a "birth plan" which is one of those long forms you can put together for yourself that makes all your medical decisions in advance in case anything happens. Since I don't have a doula/midwife, and neither my mother nor my husband can speak for me (because of my autonomous, Aquarian nature) - I've made some decisions for my own self and have them at the ready.
All my skills of visualization, focus, concentration, relaxation, manifestation, will be at their height today and tomorrow - my training, my experience in Optimal Mindset put to the test. All "pain" will be reframed as "pressure and sensation" and I will focus on communion with Pod as well as every cell in my body, for optimal balance of health, for skin elasticity and expansion, for summoning and surrendering to the unconscious collective and infinite knowledge of the human body to perform the task of bringing new life into the world.
Tonight I will prepare, as I have been preparing, like a professional athlete about to run a race - visualizing each step, from preparation, to the starting line, through the course - seeing myself maintain balance, poise, stamina, and solid lock focus throughout every possible weather - all the way through to the finish line. Seeing myself through to completion with grace, ease, strength and even through minimal need for recovery time. Until I can see myself, and be in the real moment where Pod is pressed to my breast and I can look at my baby son and know in my deepest heart what my life, my purpose and my evolution is really about. All other definitions of myself, identities, goals and priorities - I surrender and suspend today - in preparation for this transmutation. I give thanks and open my heart to receive all the love thoughts, well wishes, positive vibrations and support from you, my friends and family, and give you these words to share my life and honest experience and thoughts, because my purpose on this earth is to be a conduit of love and maximum sentience.
1. I've called you and left a voicemail, when are you going to call me back?
I'm sorry I haven't returned all voicemails. I've been spaced out. If I don't call you back today, then I will call you when I get home from the hospital - whenever that is.
2. I've emailed you in response to your updates, are you going to email me back?
I'm going to try to return all individual emails today.
3. When can I visit you and the Pod?
If you want to drive to Lancaster on Sunday - hopefully Pod will be here by then - you can come and visit us in the hospital. If not, I'll be here at my mom's house with Pod for the next 6 weeks, and you are welcome to visit us anytime. I'll be on maternity leave for 6 weeks. I don't expect we will be doing any traveling ( to San Francisco, etc. ) until perhaps sometime after Labor Day.
4. How can I be notified if I want to know how everything goes tomorrow?
You can call/text my husband or my sister, Nikki - please email me if you want the #s.
5. I'm so curious about Pod's name being revealed when he is born - when/how will you announce it?
I may send a "blog post from my phone" to my blog - so you can check it here.
6. Until what time tonight will you be checking emails/taking calls?
I will be checking emails until midnight-ish, taking calls until about 9ish.
7. After the Pod is born, will you be less available to me - is it selfish of me to want to talk to you about what's going on in my life?
Understandably, my main focus will be the Pod and my family. It isn't selfish to talk about your life, and because my loved ones are extremely important to me, I will ALWAYS want to know what's going on, give you support, encouragement, commiseration and help where and when I can. If you really need me, don't leave me out, I have more love than ever now and have plenty to share.
Pod is clamoring for breakfast. I need to start this day. I can't get that dumbass "It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN" song out of my head because it's on an infomercial I see all the time, and because Beth had to sing it into my voicemail the other day. I need to get another song in my head - something marathon appropriate - "Eye of the Tiger"-ish -- any suggestions would be welcome, as would any mp3s you would like to send for me to include in my "Childbirth/Labor Mp3 Megamix" that I'm putting together.
Always, always with more gratitude and more love,
Carmen - The Incubatrix
P.S. - Final FAQ
8. What were you thinking about when you were planning out the "creation of your childbirth experience?
See list below for the questions I asked myself:
How to Create the Childbirth Experience I want
1. What kind of childbirth experience do I want for myself? What do I want it to be for my Pod?
LIMITING BELIEF TO BE RELEASED
2. What image needs to be fully replaced with a more optimal visualization preparation? What do I fear right now?
3. What next actions can I take to prepare this experience?
TEAM BUILDING AND DELEGATION
4. Who are the resources I need to call on and what tasks/responsibilities do I need to assign/outsource?
5. What thoughts/visions/mantras should I focus on before, during and after the induction/childbirth process?